Large terracotta pots stand to attention. Topiary tree soldiers. An army of taller conifers stand tall behind at a distance. Veteran soldiers of a higher rank. The wide, deep terrace is crazed. Paved in random 'crazy' patterns. Solid teak chairs and tables sit empty, puddles of recent rain collected on arms and slatted table tops. The slope of the seats are strangely dry, stained russet and promising autumn.
A man's voice, the approach of flip flops. Idle comments, where to sit, what's good for his back, where's best to shelter in case of rain. The teapot has leaked
"take it back"
"it's alright"
"take it back, its not alright"
"no, no, it's fine"
The flip flop sound, he takes it back, she doesn't protest. Echoes of apology in the kitchens.
"Oh, sorry"
"no problem"
"These pots..."
"Oh, don't worry, its fine!"
The English way.
The flip flop noise gets louder with his return.
Loud clanking sounds of whirring demolition engines. A yellow arm of a digger lifting pieces of roof away from a nearby school. A bucket-shaped claw, swinging and returning, repeating the motion. Engines strain with relentless progress.
We all sit in our private worlds at separate tables, clinking cups, tapping forks, discussing cake under an Arts and Crafts veranda in a restored turn-of-the-century Edwardian villa. Wisteria is still in leaf, purple raemes long gone, it is tickling the sky with its tendrils. The celebrated family who built this place, they would have chatted about cake too. Would have bemoaned and celebrated progress in turns, just as we do.
Two women's voices.
"Shall we sit here?"
"Its up to you"
"Shall we? inside? outside?"
"I'm not sure"
"Inside, you decide, I really don't mind"
"Yes, inside, thats fine"
The English way.
The man in flip flops makes a call.
"Could you please ask Martin to call me please? Yes, well, if you wouldn't mind, its just that we are thinking of making a cash offer on the property. Would you mind at all if we had a look at it? Its just that it might be good to find out a little more, get a feel for the property. Yes, well, ok then, if you wouldn't mind, yeah, ok"
They would have sat here too, making polite offers, working out their sums, stretching their budgets, investing their cash, apologising for nothing at all, trying not to offend. A huge black bird with wings extended into witches fingers flies overhead. A tiny spider crawls across the dappled grey and sand paving. The contours like mountains. A wayward ant searches for direction and it seems that nothing really changes in moments like these. There are crumbs on the table from a previous feast. A lurid rippled green glass jar, an extinguished tea-light reaching the end of its useful life.
We hear a shocking crack as the demolition vehicle bites chunks of timber from an attic space. Through to a walled garden. Gravel crunches underfoot. An overwhelming floral scent, drying lavender, blooming stocks, catnip and the promising smell of rain-soaked earth, birds chatter. The demolition continues, but within these walls there are only gentle sounds. Wheelbarrows on pathways, nip, nip, nip of borders being snipped, neatening the edges of the flower beds. Low male voices discussing practical matters. A distant drone of a motorbike. So late in August and the bees and flowers persist. Indigo blue sweetpea flowers creep up a wigwam made from sticks and twine. Plush, purple daisies needlessly smooth and luxurious like velvet. Discs of pink punctured with purple and a button of yellow nod slowly and sagely, heads the size of petite hands. Glossy red chard, beetroot, and curly lettuces their colour a mix of balsamic vinegar and hops, sit in queues waiting for recipes. They are promising us late Summer salad for the last days of August and Italian casseroles for warming the first chill of Autumn. The towering wall of beech trees at he far side of the garden shimmers with laquered sheen the colour of morello cherries. The trees quiver in the breeze.
Some lazy red and apricot roses and some tardy thistles puncture the soft feathered greens. A lone surviving tower of runner beans is still dotted with scarlet orange flowers. A Christmas tree for Summer. The clover in the lawn is a cushion underfoot. Artichokes shoot boldly from the borders of the grass pathway. A sharp contrast to the quilt underneath. The sky is inky and bubbling and I am ready for my lunch. Time to go home.
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Followers
New Year at Glasshampton Franciscan Friary
Tapping the Ice
Iona
My original introduction
This photo was taken by my husband Graham on Iona. It is important here because it represents the way in which my Mum's death and funeral offered me healing. It marks a point at which I have decided, as she did, to be fully myself and live every moment given to me as fruitfully as I can. As part of this I wanted to start a 'new thing' and start allowing people to see more of my writing and therefore live my life more openly.
This blog is a response to the insights so many shared at Mum's funeral. I discovered there that my Mum was so much more than simply my Mum. She was never a saint, had many flaws, she could be frustrating and difficult like me. But I realise that these things were tiny when balanced next to her capacity for living and for giving. What emerged from her funeral was an image of a woman whose appetite for life and for quality of life was remarkable. She was entirely herself with everyone, whatever the cost. She gave all that she had to the people she loved, she fed us, nurtured us and showed us that every detail of every day was a blessing.
I am giving you my writing as part of the fruits of my life and person in honour of her memory and continued presence in my life. It is a risk I am now willing to take. She has given me the courage to live my life boldly.
When my Mum was dying I went to the Cathedral and imagined her saying goodbye at the side of an expanse of water. In my imagination there was a boat waiting for her to depart. In my mind I urged her to get in her boat, turn her back on us all, never look back and hope for the light on the other side of the water.
The boat story of Jesus telling terrified disciples not to be afraid in the storm and calming the waves has always been comfort to me in the storms of my life. There are so many ways of looking at the symbolic meaning of a boat.
For me this photo speaks to me about a song called 'Lord you have come to the lakeside' and in it there is a line. 'Now my boat's left on the shoreline behind me; by your side, I will seek other seas.' It is a line which kept coming to me as a friend of mine sat at her Aunt's bedside in her final hours. I sang it for her and her partner as they said their goodbyes as a prayer for them, because I knew how much they liked it. I think it began to speak to me too. When I urged my Mum to the other shore it seemed that her boat was only her own and no one could be in it with her. In her death I do feel called to 'seek other seas' as a new beginning with which to honour her departing.
This blog is a response to the insights so many shared at Mum's funeral. I discovered there that my Mum was so much more than simply my Mum. She was never a saint, had many flaws, she could be frustrating and difficult like me. But I realise that these things were tiny when balanced next to her capacity for living and for giving. What emerged from her funeral was an image of a woman whose appetite for life and for quality of life was remarkable. She was entirely herself with everyone, whatever the cost. She gave all that she had to the people she loved, she fed us, nurtured us and showed us that every detail of every day was a blessing.
I am giving you my writing as part of the fruits of my life and person in honour of her memory and continued presence in my life. It is a risk I am now willing to take. She has given me the courage to live my life boldly.
When my Mum was dying I went to the Cathedral and imagined her saying goodbye at the side of an expanse of water. In my imagination there was a boat waiting for her to depart. In my mind I urged her to get in her boat, turn her back on us all, never look back and hope for the light on the other side of the water.
The boat story of Jesus telling terrified disciples not to be afraid in the storm and calming the waves has always been comfort to me in the storms of my life. There are so many ways of looking at the symbolic meaning of a boat.
For me this photo speaks to me about a song called 'Lord you have come to the lakeside' and in it there is a line. 'Now my boat's left on the shoreline behind me; by your side, I will seek other seas.' It is a line which kept coming to me as a friend of mine sat at her Aunt's bedside in her final hours. I sang it for her and her partner as they said their goodbyes as a prayer for them, because I knew how much they liked it. I think it began to speak to me too. When I urged my Mum to the other shore it seemed that her boat was only her own and no one could be in it with her. In her death I do feel called to 'seek other seas' as a new beginning with which to honour her departing.
Books I'm reading & books I've just read
- The New Black; Mourning and Melancholia by Daniel Leader
- The Time Travellers Wife
- Retribution by Maureen Duffy
- The Summer Book by Tove Janson
- Voice Over by Celine Curiol
- Perfume by Patrick Siskund
- Loads of Alan Bennett's writings
- Writing Home by Alan Bennett
- A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian
- Salmon Fishing in The Yemen
- Engelby, Sebastian Faulks
- The Lolipop Shoes; Joanne Harris
- The Prospect of Heaven: Musings of an Enquiring Believer, Frederick Levison
- The Courage to Connect; Becoming all we Can Be, Rosemary Lain-Priestley
Favourite Links
About my Writing
My writing tends towards the poetic, it has also been described as filmic. It is intensely personal and seeped in Christian imagery and thinking. I think it is spiritual writing in that it is rooted in the belief that there is a God and that God is very real to us in this time and place on earth. I write because it is something I am unable to live without. I write because it is healing and therapeutic. I write out of instinct and because I am by nature 'a writer'. I write for myself and for others that I know and love. I write for specific occasions and for purposes as well as for its own sake. Writing is a pleasure for me.
I write sporadicallly and as the mood takes me, it is not a disciplined exercise but something which emerges from my soul when it needs to be created. I have been astonished to find that people around me need my writing. They ask for what I have written and they ask for more. This blog is an attempt to meet that demand, not because I feel pressured to do so, but because God has given me a gift and it is begging to be used. People are asking me to us this gift fruitfully.
I think my writing is healing in its nature, it is soulful and intimate, it reaches places within us which we do not understand and it sometimes moves people to tears. It doesn't seem that writing like this is a productive or lucrative affair. It is not a 'niche market', it is not designed for profit or thought through in any sense. This approach would disable it.
I write sporadicallly and as the mood takes me, it is not a disciplined exercise but something which emerges from my soul when it needs to be created. I have been astonished to find that people around me need my writing. They ask for what I have written and they ask for more. This blog is an attempt to meet that demand, not because I feel pressured to do so, but because God has given me a gift and it is begging to be used. People are asking me to us this gift fruitfully.
I think my writing is healing in its nature, it is soulful and intimate, it reaches places within us which we do not understand and it sometimes moves people to tears. It doesn't seem that writing like this is a productive or lucrative affair. It is not a 'niche market', it is not designed for profit or thought through in any sense. This approach would disable it.
Quote of the Week
Love me best when I deserve it least for it is then that I need it most
Beyond the Archipelago
Foxtrot
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